Published: The Dubliner, July 2010
The rain is bucketing down. I can hear the gutters overflowing outside.
The phone is buzzing on my bedside locker. I wake up with a start. It’s Sunday morning. My friend has just been committed to a psychiatric hospital. Mobile phones are contraband, he says. So he’s texting me from under the sheets of his bed. I sit up and rub my eyes. Christ.
I shuffle downstairs and make a pot of coffee. Then I stand up and pace the kitchen floor. Then I sit down again and drum my fingers on the tabletop. I open up my laptop and type “friend in psychiatric hospital” into Google. Then I close it down again. The rain is bucketing outside. I can hear the gutters in the back yard overflowing. Read the rest of this entry »
This is Funny
Well, funny in the same vein as this at least. When it comes to answering a question with a question though, these guys are still miles ahead of the competition.
Admin Blues
“Is anyone watching that Celebrity Farm?”
No takers, but she’s undeterred. The girl is a conversational terrorist. No topic too banal. Read the rest of this article here.
Email to my editor. 2003:
FROM: Eoin Butler
SENT: 09 October 2003 10:37am
TO: [email protected]Hey Sam,
Possible feature idea. (I have a shit job. They don’t monitor my work very closely here.)
No To Racism In The Workplace Week
Renegade TV weatherman MARTIN KING and reclusive IRA wordsmith P. O’NEILL teamed up in the Burlington Hotel this week for the launch of No To Racism In The Workplace Week 2006. Once again this year volunteers from around the country are being asked to refrain from being racist at work for one week, with all proceeds going to the National Children’s Hospital. Read the rest of this entry »
Poses (2001)
One of the more impressive people I’ve ever interviewed.
Tonight we’re going to party like it’s Ballyhaunis, 1985.
The big day has arrived. I knock off at about 2pm and swing by the crèche. The staff have made a card with an enormous number one on the front. (That’s the numeral “1”. They haven’t just pissed on a piece of cardboard and handed it to me.) They really are wonderful here. All of the carers dote on Lola and she adores them right back.
Some day, I’m sure, I’ll arrive to collect her and she won’t want to come. She’ll tell me she’s staying put. But for now, at least, she greets with an affectionate poke in the eye.
The carer fills me in on what I’ve missed today. Lola is not my daughter, she’s my niece. And this is one of those times when that distinction is most pronounced. Only a parent could possibly give a shit how many times a day their child has crapped itself or eaten turnips. But I listen politely and after that we’re on our way. Read the rest of this entry »
This is Funny
What do you call a gangster who pulls up the backs of people’s underpants? Read the rest of this entry »
I don’t need any excuse to publish this photograph
Faith Alive
1. Out of control Amish teen in low-speed horse and buggy rampage.
2. Christopher Hitchens takes a charitable view of Mel Gibson’s recent transgressions.(Yeah, he does in his hole…)
3. Arab found guilty of rape after having consensual sex with Jew. Read the rest of this entry »