Eoin Butler: writer, journalist and Mayoman of the Year
Tripping Along The Ledge
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YOU’RE MESSING WITH THE WRONG COUNTRY, SLOVAKIA. MARK MY WORDS.
Just to recap. The Slovaks dupe some innocent punter into smuggling explosives into Ireland, potentially endangering, I dunno, some lives. Then they forget to mention anything about it for a few days. Now they’re insinuating that the whole imbroglio is somehow our fault. If that’s the way you want to play it, Slovakia, fine. No skin off our noses. But know this: you’ve made a powerful enemy this day.
This isn’t Iceland you’re messing. Do you even know what happens to countries who mess with Ireland? Didn’t Slovenia or someone pull you aside, try to talk some sense into you? They didn’t. Well, that’s unfortunate. Because you’re now going to suffer the consequences of Ireland’s wrath. What are we going to do about it? I’ll tell you what we’re going to do about it. Nothing at first. We’ve just had about two inches of snow here. The country is in a state of national crisis. But once this whole miniscule amount of snow thing clears up, we’re going to launch a no-holds-barred investigation. And once that’s completed, we’ll publish a motherfucking report. And in that report? Oh you know we’re gonna include some stringing criticisms of your handling of this affair. That’s right Slovaks, not so smart now, aren’t you?
And if you’ve got a problem with this? Well then we’ll probably backtrack and just say it could have been handled better on both sides. And if you’ve still got a problem? Well, we’ll stand you a round of drinks and give you twelve points in next year’s Eurovision, just so there isn’t any bad feeling. Why? Because that is what happens, Slovakia, when you mess with us.
January 7th, 2010 at 3:16 am
Ireland would totally take those Slovak bastards in a fight!!
January 7th, 2010 at 8:30 am
You’ll ne-ver beat the Irish.
If we could trick them into invading we’d have their number after a few centuries.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:44 am
Better yet, we could turn the Irish army on them!!
January 7th, 2010 at 11:01 am
…Or we could have the FCA hurl their boots at them, Iraqi style. Moral victory guaranteed.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:04 pm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8445799.stm
Yeah right Slovakia, you accidentally put a bomb on a plane and you think the best solution is to send a fax to some baggage handlers. Cos they never make mistakes!!
January 7th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
@ Dee – hahaha… I understand Slovakia’s Plan B was send an email to NTL customer support.
January 7th, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Lol @ “NTL customer support”
January 7th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
This story just gets better and better. The fax claim is genius. When planting explosives on an unsuspecting someone, you always remember to fax the right people in advance. Screw ringing them, that takes too much time in explanation.
Next step in this is to display the piece of paper that was faxed. Slovakia should get someone Ireland trusts to do it.
Hmmmm? – http://i49.tinypic.com/v6kjdt.jpg
January 7th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
@ Colin – deadly, thing is I think people would have listened to Willie Joe too!
January 7th, 2010 at 5:09 pm
Guys, guys – there’s a better way to resolve this. Clearly the Slovaks owe us now. We’ve got mates who are clearly talented at stowing bombs on people in airports. So next time Thierry Henry flies to Bratislava, we’ll make a call.
January 7th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Good job Colin boy, but why won’t the listen to Willie Joe when hes sayin UP THE ROSSIES!!!
Fickle public I tell ya.
January 7th, 2010 at 8:48 pm
@ shane – well come on, we don’t want to taken down an entire airplane. Some kind of surgical assassination would be best. Mossad might be lads to give us the few pointers there.
@ Massey – Colin’s photoshop skills slightly eclipse your own, would you say?
January 8th, 2010 at 12:46 am
Only by a tiny margin bogman
January 8th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Was going to find yis a Slovakian hate figure But NO famous peopel in their entire history. What a lamearse country!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Slovaks
January 8th, 2010 at 10:55 am
Well, there’s Alexander Dubček and… Okay, he’s the only person on that list I’ve heard of.
January 8th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
@Eoin – My skills at photoshop are quite sterile compared to the organic flourishes of Massey’s hand.
That list of famous Slovaks is damn extensive, learned film director/producer Ivan Reitman is Slovak, so they also have a claim to his son Jason who’s popular at the mo.
But besides that, you have to scrounge for international fame in Slovakia.
January 9th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
Loved this post! The whole affair does raise some concerns though and if it helps tighten up airport security. If a bomber boarded a flight at Shannon we’d never hear the end of it.
January 11th, 2010 at 10:02 pm
@Nay re:Shannon – nah it’d be fine, we’d have to lie low for a while, highlight our lack of natural resources, change our name to “Quagmiristan” before Yemen gets dibs on it, that kind of thing
some ambassador might be called for a dressing down, maybe the odd new york times editorial, fox news would feature some ridiculous/threatening rhetorical questions, nothing we can’t handle
gritting the roads would probably drop down the priority list until the body shcanners were installed in 2017, just your average national shambles
who knows, the hopeless frustration of it all might make the US fundamentally reassess it’s war on terror
January 11th, 2010 at 10:41 pm
that’s assuming a failed attempt.
June 2nd, 2010 at 2:39 am
[…] make nice, Israel. Do yourself a favour. You don’t wanna wind up like our old friend Slovenia now, do you? June 2nd, […]
September 10th, 2011 at 2:49 pm
hey! dont blame slovakia blame the people who did it and slovakia is a grate place better than ireland