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BRENDAN THOMPSON GETTING HIS MICKEY CAUGHT IN HIS ZIP IN JUNIOR INFANTS: A CRITICAL ANALYSIS

Picture it: a vibrant tableau of rural Irish childhood in the 1980s. Two lines of infants, marshalled by a prissy, short-sighted nun, queue in a freezing corridor, waiting for their turn to use the toilet. There is some perfunctory jostling and pulling of hair. But for the most part, it is an unremarkable scene. On the wall behind, a portrait of Pope John Paul II beams down serenely. Suddenly, a small boy, Brendan Thompson, bursts out of the toilet clutching his crotch. He screams “Sister Maura, Sister Maura… My mickey is stuck in my zip!” Thirty or so of his classmates, male and female, jostle for a better view. Ouch. It looks a sore one alright.

Sister Maura doesn’t flinch. “It’s not your mickey Brendan”, she says. “It’s called your penis.” She put on her glasses. “Now let me have a look at it…”

Verdict: ******

(N.B. Bonus star awarded for including a nun saying the word “penis”.)