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George Costanza’s Greatest Hits

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1. “The Sea Was Angry That Day, My Friends” monologue (The Marine Biologist)
Jerry has set George up on a date. Since George is unemployed, Jerry (for some reason) has pretended that his friend is a marine biologist. During the date, George and his new love interest happen upon a beached whale. Earlier in the same episode, Kramer practices his drive by firing golf balls into the sea. 2. Answering machine (The Susie)
George’s girlfriend wants to break up with him. So he’s avoiding her, because he wants to take her to a function first to impress his workmates.


3. “If I Hear You Correctly, And I Think That I Do” (The Switch)
This isn’t a clip: this is an entire storyline from one episode. George doesn’t even appear until about a minute and a half in. But it’s very funny and Jason Alexander steals the whole episode.

4. “I’m The Opposite of Every Guy You’ve Ever Met” (The Opposite)
Self-explanatory. Worth noting how Jerry is always most supportive of George when he suspects his friend’s plans will end in disaster.

5. “And You Want to be My Latex Salesman?” (The Boyfriend)
The punchline was improvised during the take.

6. “My Mother Caught Me” (The Contest)
One of the best episodes they ever did. Note how deftly the subject of masturbation is raised without specifically being referred to. That scene is the funniest, but the best line in the episode (it has to do with an amusement park) is here.

7. “Anna Digs The Bad Boy” (The Little Kicks)
The point is made, I think.

8. “The Queen is Old Fashioned” (The Engagement)
Although the viewer could hardly have forgotten about George’s stinginess, selfishness, dishonesty, insecurity, and neurosis – this is inserted at the beginning of The Engagement episode as a quick reminder.


9. “It Has Come to My Attention That You And The Cleaning Woman Have Engaged in Sexual Intercourse” (The Red Dot)
Larry David – on whom the character of George is based – has often mentioned this as one of his favourite ever moments. Presented with irrefutable evidence that he has had sex with the cleaning lady on his desk, George’s mind flits through every possible excuse he could make before settling upon…. Well, you’ll have to watch it.


10. Shrinkage (The Hamptons)
I could explain but, urgh, it’s late, I don’t get paid for this and – fuck it – even if you don’t know the episode, you’ll figure it out. The next bit is here.

P.S. Embedding blocked on most of those clips for some reason, hence why I’ve only pasted links for most of them. Also, I wouldn’t have dared select George Costanza’s greatest hits without consulting my friend and esteemed fellow George-ologist Darragh. Thanks a lot to him for his imput!

November 9th, 2010.

15 Responses to “George Costanza’s Greatest Hits”

  1. Colin Says:

    Let’s keep the Classic George Costanza Gold continue:
    “I was leading the way” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuP9YClyPRY

    The Trifecta – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHchl4AxsE0

    George with a cane – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml3akwg0_M4

    “You brought your Queen out too fast” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc4IPH7XQBA

  2. Colin Says:

    And hooray for Conan O’Brien who beat out all his chat show rivals in the ratings last night including Leno and Letterman on cable channel TBS.

    Going to watch how it all went, hope he goes back to his own blend of Comedy, fingers crossed.

  3. Eoin Says:

    I saw it this morning Colin. Opening segments were deadly. Interview with Seth Rogan was painful however.

  4. David Says:

    Just watched it there and pretty happy with what I saw, it has such a relaxed loose feel, like the way he kept hugging audience members, he didn’t seem any way nervous or uptight like on the early Tonight Shows, it seems like they were genuinely having good craic which bodes well for the future.
    Also he’s kept his full team of writers so I’m looking forward to seeing the stuff they come up with in the new less restricted environment. Dunno how Seth Rogen gets away with that ridiculous laugh though.

  5. Colin Says:

    Great, sounds good enough to end the night with. See 3e picked up to show Conan as well. Must have been going cheap.

  6. Eoin Says:

    Just watched the second episode. Huge improvement. Laughs all the way through – particularly pre-record bit with censor and interview with Tom Hanks, who really is like the… (struggling to come with a name here…) Paolo Maldini of talk show guests.

  7. Eoin Says:

    @ Colin or anyone else (Re: George with cane) – I’ll give you a million Seinfeld points if you can tell me the other time in the series they use Sheena Easton’s Morning Train (Nine to Five)???

  8. Darragh Says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGHTcF4thLw

    and who could forget the time he ate a pastry out of a bin? Oh George.

  9. Eoin Says:

    I knew a guy who used to do something similar to that ‘No, no, no, no, no’ thing when he got angry. But when George does it, it’s funny.

  10. Pete Says:

    Love it, You should do Kramers greatest hits next.

  11. Colin Says:

    @Eoin – at about 2:38

    “My baby takes the morning train
    He works from nine till five and then
    He takes another home again…”

  12. Colin Says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CVKUwegPJo

  13. Eoin Says:

    Kudos, a million Seinfeld points are yours!

    P.S. Did you just spend two days going through Seinfeld clips to find it?

  14. Colin Says:

    Nope, was catching up on Conan, then spotted the question. Though I would have happily gone through two days of Seinfeld footage for a million points. Win-win situation.

  15. David Says:

    I’ve just seen the promo ad on tv3 for Conan and it’s a lot like the ad campaign for Gabbo in the Simpsons, no explanation is given as to who he is, what the show is, it doesn’t even show him! Must be baffling for the average tv3 viewer.

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