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Lame jokes Bob Dylan has told onstage while introducing his band (1988 – 2009)

“At the back, the meanest drummer in the world. When we played in the Middle East, he killed the Dead Sea… David Kemper!”

“You might be wondering what’s written on his shoes – those are foot notes!” “He was going to be a doctor but he didn’t have any patience… David Kemper!”

“We went to a restaurant this afternoon and David asked the waitress if they served crabs. She said, Sit down, honey. We serve just about anybody….”

“David grew up on a farm. On Saturday nights he used to take the cows to the moovies.”

“On drums, David Kemper. He once swallowed a roll of film… We’ll see what develops.”

“Larry (Campbell, guitar) was writing to his girlfriend the other night. I said, Larry, you can’t write on an empty stomach… You gotta use paper!”

“Larry bought a pig the other day. I said, Larry, where you gonna keep the pig? He said, Under my bed. I said, What about the smell? Larry said, Well, he’ll just have to get used to it.”

“Larry hurt his foot today. We had to call a toe truck!” (Apparently, Dylan completely cracked up at that one.)

“When I first met Bucky Baxter, he didn’t have a penny to his name. I told him to get another name.”

“George (Receli ) is from Louisiana. They got a lot of snakes down there. When it rains, he puts them on his windshield and calls them ‘windshield vipers.'”

“Almost didn’t make it tonight. We got a flat tire. (pause) There was a fork in the road.”

“My ex-wife left me again. She’s a tennis player. Love means nothing to her.”

(And the very, very lamest…)

“I was talking to Neil Young yesterday. He said ‘Bob, you can’t hear cool music on the radio anymore.’ I says ‘Sure you do, Neil… (long pause) You just need to stick your radio in the refrigerator.”