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“It melts on my tongue like a snowflake, with a taste that is like hearing music for the first time…”

There aren’t many onerous tasks associated with taking a luxury ski break in Chamonix Mont-Blanc. The trickiest, perhaps, is deciding which of the highlights best to rub in the noses of jealous friends and family members at home. Heli-skiing down the spine-tingling Glacier d’Argentiere? Husky sledding at La Vormaine? Lunch at the two Michelin-star Albert Premier restaurant?

Winter sports are the main attraction, of course. But if you happen to be preposterously wealthy, the boutique chalets are well worth a visit in their own right. They’re not cheap. A week in Argentiere’s Le Marti costs €16,000 off peak, rising to well over double that amount at peak season. Read the rest of this entry »

I couldn’t tell you exactly what this girl is thinking. But I’d be very surprised if the words “gay porn” aren’t high up in the mix.

THE POLISH GIRL with the tea trolley is trying to work out what the fuck is going on. A tall, athletic young man in a tight-fitting black T-shirt is standing in the centre of Room 202. His hair is meticulously tousled and a tacky necklace pendant bobbles on his chest. He is a rising inter-county hurling star, but that wouldn’t ring any bells with her. She’s more likely to have noticed that he’s holding the hand of another (identically kitted-out) young man and leading him in a graceful twirl around on the spot. On the far side of the room, a third boyband clone is filming the pair on a digital camcorder. Read the rest of this article here.

When I’m in charge, this scene will be replicated in classrooms the world over:

Ideally, the teacher wouldn’t look like she was being forced to sing the song at gunpoint. But sure you can’t have it all. Read the rest of this entry »

“We all remember the bad days – bored crocodiles, listless giraffes, monkeys indulging in recreational activities of an adolescent nature…”

Elephants in the wild spend 70% of their time looking for food. Now, just between you and I, and the readers of the Irish Times, if we gave the entire Phoenix Park to our elephants, but fed them in the one spot, they would just stand there. They wouldn’t move. They’re very careful about expending energy. So we hide the food on them. The elephant is never conditioned to look at his watch and say, it’s seven o’clock, where on earth is my dinner? Read the rest of this article.

This is funny

What did Jim Corr say when he was framed on knacker drinking charges? Read the rest of this entry »

Gee Baby, Ain’t I Good To You? (1944)

This song was written in New York in 1929 and still sounds just as good today.

Time there, folks, please! Change in the Middle East, have yiz no homes to go to?

“President Hosni Mubarak dashed the hopes of hundreds of thousands of Egyptians waiting for what they thought would be his resignation speech last night by defiantly announcing that he would not bow to domestic or foreign pressure to quit…” Read the rest of this article.

Faith Alive

1. Iranian web programmer faces execution on porn charges.

2. Bless me, Steve Jobs, for I have sinned.

3. Bill O’Reilly proves the existence of God. Read the rest of this entry »

“The ref’s looking at his watch! This must be our last chance!”

This evening I finally picked up the copy of The Best of Roy of the Rovers I’d ordered in Hodges Figgis. (It’s not for me, you understand. It’s a present for a small boy that I, er, met on the Luas…) Rereading these stories as an adult, you do tend to notice certain peculiarities you might have missed as a child.

For example: the suspicious amount exposition volunteered by anonymous Melchester Rovers supporters at crucial points in their games. In his introduction to the collection, Frank Skinner writes: Read the rest of this entry »

Randomers: an apologia

By throwing-out time on a Friday night, the streets resemble a ripped seam or a Hieronymus Bosch painting come to life. The footpaths teem with swaying bodies and grimacing faces. Some are belligerent. Others are content. Others still are lovelorn. Most are drunk. And some… Well, some of us are peckish since you ask. In the bars and clubs from whence we were ejected, dim lighting encouraged coyness and prevarication. Here however, in the unforgiving glare of the late night florescent chip shop, conversations tend to be blunt and to the point. Read the rest of this entry »