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Published: Village Magazine, September 2005

The lonesome death of Hank Williams

This year does not mark the fiftieth anniversary of the lonesome death of Hank Williams. That was over two years ago, on New Year’s Day 2003. Nor is this the centenary of his birth – that milestone won’t be reached until September 17th 2023. A glossy, overpriced compilation of his greatest hits is not in stores now. And it doesn’t include underwhelming “new” tracks, or feature inane liner-notes penned by the director of some lame biopic. Read the rest of this entry »

To the cyclist who yelled “Love the blog, Eoin”… and then cycled into a wall

Thank you. That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. But I probably shouldn’t have laughed. I think you said “Love the blog, Eoin!” But it might have been “Love the bog, Eoin!” I can’t be 100% sure. Read the rest of this entry »

Oh Lord, it’s so hard to be humble

The Special One’s departure for Real Madrid is confirmed. It’s a move that, on the face of it, could be a disaster. He’s not a fan of superstar players or interfering chairmen/club presidents. There are question marks too about how his defensive approach will go over with Real fans. Read the rest of this entry »

The day my mother read about me shooting heroin into my c*$!

Yesterday, I posted this article about my mother and I doing a joint pub review one time. Denise asked if my mother ever reads the stuff I write about her. I replied honestly, saying that I have no idea. In fact, there’s only one article I’ve ever written that I know for certain my mother has read.

It involved some heroin and my penis. Read the rest of this entry »

This is utterly bizarre

Some guy impersonating Sir Ian McKellan doing a dramatic reading of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

“If you’re a fat woman you have to scream ten times as loud…”

“Oh my God, are these new? Can we keep these?” The glossy celebrity magazines were intended as props for the photoshoot. But having been cooped up inside the Temple Bar Music Centre since the early afternoon, The Gossip lap them up like manna from heaven. “Jen and Vince” gasps Nathan. “It’s back on!” “Lindsay Lohan’s fire crotch!” enthuses Hannah. Only Beth Ditto remains focused on the task at hand. “What’s the magazine called?” she asks. “Monger?” Yes, it’s a trade magazine for the fish industry. “Oh, I like fish” she purrs saucily. On which note… Read the rest of this interview here.

Listen up, Professor Oppenheimer…

Our deceased forefathers have had enough to contend with lately. We will not have Livin’ La Vida Loca in Croke Park! Read the rest of this article here.

This is Funny

How many hipsters does it take to fix a lightbulb? Read the rest of this entry »

My shortcomings as a writer and as a human being (abridged)

For the past couple of months I’ve been writing a column for The Dubliner. It’s a much more taxing job then I had anticipated. I’m expected to offer coherent thoughts on some topic of contemporary relevance each week. This isn’t easy for me.

It wouldn’t be a problem, I suppose, if I actually gave a shite about the economy or knew what NAMA was or any of that. But that’s never going to happen. I’ve never opened a bank statement in my life. I’m not going to suddenly pretend I’m Eddie Hobbs. Read the rest of this entry »

The Eternal (1980)

Just found out that today is the 30th anniversary of Ian Curtis’ death. It was down to a choice between either this or ‘Decades’ as the most appropriate (i.e. suicidally depressing) track to commemorate the occasion. Both, of course, achingly sad songs at any remove.