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BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD (2000)

Pitchfork recently named B.O.B. their track of the decade. Now to be honest, I kinda hate Pitchfork (well, let’s just say they’ve never struck me as the most funloving of people) but I do love this song.

HAHA… THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BORROWING MY PHONE AND MAKING THREE INTERNATIONAL CALLS

Just got the bill, fuckhead…

Published: Village magazine, February 2005

“BEING IRISH, BEING A SON… HOW DO YOU RECONCILE THE TWO?”

Ever noticed when there’s a (usually American) guest on the Late, Late Show who insists on talking about the deep affinity they feel for Ireland and all things Irish? One tends to be a bit sceptical about these people. Are they sincere, you wonder? Or is this just the standard patter they churn out wherever their publicity duties take them? Read the rest of this entry »

THIS IS FUNNY

FUCKING BOLLOCKING CUNTING CLAMPER BASTARDS*

I’m pretty sure I know who clamped me this afternoon. He’s an Irish guy in his late forties or early fifties and I believe he spotted me in traffic and followed me to settle a score. This was my third run in with him this month and, at this stage, what he’s doing to me seems pretty close to harassment.

Both of the lorries visible in the background of this picture are illegally parked on double yellow lines and have been left unmolested. My car (yeah, I know, the chicks go crazy for it) has been parked in a loading bay, which it is entitled to be, for two minutes longer than the 30 minute limit and has been clamped while I’m visiting my sister and her child. Read the rest of this entry »

YOUR CHEATIN’ HEART (1952)

“I don’t fool myself, I know the game I’m in. When I wrote about Hank Williams ‘A hundred floors above me in the tower of song’, it’s not some kind of inverse modesty. I know where Hank Williams stands in the history of popular song. Your Cheatin’ Heart, songs like that, are sublime… I feel myself a very minor writer by comparison.” – Leonard Cohen

GUESS WHO’S GOING ON HIS HOLIDAYS?

Haha… So long, fools. I’m going on this cruise (long story) around France and Spain. If there’s internet access onboard, I may be able to update during the week. Otherwise, there’s going to be lots of retired people onboard, so I’m kinda hoping there’ll be a murder that I can solve or something…

Published: Village Magazine, February 5 2005

BOB MARLEY: STILL ROCKING AFTER SIXTY YEARS*

The late Bob Marley, whose 60th birthday is celebrated this month, wasn’t just Jamaica’s most famous son. He was also the Third World’s first superstar and one of music’s few truly global icons. And yet the image that prevails of this man is of a dreadlocked stoner, preaching ‘one love’ through a cloud of ganja smoke – “just a hippy” as the rock journalist Lester Bangs once described him. Such a verdict evinces a woeful underestimation of the man and his achievements. Read the rest of this entry »

THIS IS FUNNY

SO DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE WEIRDEST FUCKING DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE..?

It was a summer night about two years ago. I was at a party when I got a phone call from Michael Freeman, the editor of Mongrel, asking if I could possibly be in Dublin airport by 4am. The details were vague and I’d probably had a bit to drink. But the gist of it seemed to be that one of our writers had been forced to drop out of a story at the last moment and that they needed me to go in his place. The story had something to do with dolls, that was as much as I know. Read the rest of this entry »