Ballyhaunis

WE CALL HIM POTHOLE…

He’s the son of a well known Dublin businessman and he fancies himself something of a man about town. Pothole’s nickname derives from that fact that his personality is so grating, his manner so repugnant, people will go to almost any length to avoid bumping into him. Read the rest of this piece here.

MY TOP TIPS FOR 2010

Cogent Housekeeper
In 2009, Cogent Housekeeper dropped an atomic fucking bomb on dancefloors from Paris to Phnom Penh. This year, expect to see the tween-psychobilly duo blaze a trail through the arpeggiated nuclear winter that follows in its wake. Love them or hate them, there’ll be no ignoring Neville Cornflake and his trusty sidekick Derek “The Tractor Lawnmower” Gonzales. Read the rest of this entry »

OLLIE CLEARY WALKS ON WATER

First significant thaw today, so myself and Ollie went for a bit of an auld gallivant. First we went for a walk on the lake… Read the rest of this entry »

BABY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

The headline in the Irish Times today* (“Cold snap on the way”) gave me a good laugh. Temperatures in the northwest have been well below zero for over a week now. It’s the biggest freeze anyone can remember. The fields are covered in snow. The lakes are frozen. The roads, where the snow has compacted, frozen, thawed briefly and frozen again many times over, now resemble ice rinks. Read the rest of this entry »

WHAT YOU WANT FOR CRIMBO, BABE?

It’s minus 8 degrees C in Ballyhaunis. Someone left the turkey in the boot of our car overnight. By morning the bird has frozen solid, causing recriminations at the breakfast table. Read the rest of this entry »

MISCELLANEOUS AMUSING ITEMS I’VE COME ACROSS #20

Do us a favour buddy, when you’re finished with my invisible teeth, will you please…?

SHINE BLOCKAS (2009)

Now strictly speaking, I think Pitchfork are a bunch of joyless, socially inadequate anoraks whose ongoing willingness to disseminate their own brattish opinions on music remains a damning incitement of the socio-behavioral utility of whatever bullies they went to school with. That’s strictly speaking. Read the rest of this entry »

NEW ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING (CONTD.)

Okay, you’ve never witnessed another person defecate up close and you don’t want to hear about it either? That’s understandable. I can respect that. But I will say this: Play-Doh Fun Factory. Ha ha. Ruined your lunchtime, did I? Oh, I’m sorry… Welcome to my world motherfuckers. Read the rest of this entry »

I’VE GOT SOUP, BUT I’M NOT A SUPERVISOR. I’VE GOT SOUP, BUT I’M NOT A SUPERVISOR. I’VE GOT SOUP, BUT I’M NOT A SUPERVISOR.

THIS IS FUNNY

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Read the rest of this entry »