evening herald

Is a Woman (2002)

Twenty Benson & Hedges, chewing gum and a packet of tmm-pmms…

The shop assistant squints. “What?” Aidan whispers it again. “A packet of tampons!” Read the rest of this article here.

What peaches and what penumbras! Whole families shopping at night!

Find myself mooching around the supermarket again tonight. I swear to God, I never know what I want to eat. I’m pretty sure I hate microwave lasagne. But if I do another lap of the aisles, maybe I’ll like microwave lasagne. It’s weird how it works.

The Adrian Kennedy Phone Show is being piped in. He’s talking to the publisher of a new Irish pornographic magazine. As usual, the city’s emptiest vessels will be invited to air their imbecilic thoughts once the phone lines open. But first the host gets the ball rolling. Read the rest of this entry »

Before I begin, I’d like to address a few words to the Garda Road Traffic Corps…

Officers, lads… I know we’ve had our differences. We’ve both said things that, in the light of day, we probably regret. But look what you’ve reduced me to. I’m using public transport. Dear God, hasn’t this madness gone far enough? Read the rest of this article here.

No wait, I’m pretty sure I can crawl my way out of this…

“She’s still seeing that guy with the Land Rover?” “Yup!” Read the rest of this article here.

Your Ma: A Critical Perspective

There has been a tendency in recent times to recalibrate the matriarch by endowing her with glamour, sophistication or sex appeal. Unapologetically bucking this trend, however, is your Ma: a gormless, rotund but ultimately lovable woman, who makes a persuasive case that the best path forward for the Irish Mammy lies not in elegance or refinement, but in understatement and verisimilitude. Read the rest of this entry »

A Six-Pack to Go (1960)

Los Ballyhaunis Galácticos [Updated]

Flying out to Madrid this afternoon. There’s intense speculation I’m being offered a multimillion euro contract to link up with Ronalda and Kaka at the Bernabéu. I can neither confirm nor deny these rumours. There may also be rumours that I’m actually going on a pretty tame weekend break with my mother. Again, I can neither confirm nor deny those rumours. (Sufficed to say, if its anything like our Roman jolly in October, well, I’m in for a rollercoaster ride. Of Mass.) Read the rest of this entry »

It’s something we’ve been talking about for ages…

A boyhood dream, I suppose you’d say. And now that we’re all on the dole, it’s really the ideal time to get cracking. Read the rest of this article here.

Miscellaneous Amusing Items I’ve Come Across #27

From today’s Guardian. As I’m sure Darragh would want me to put it: EPIC FAIL. Read the rest of this entry »