irish times

Published: Evening Herald, January 2010

Dakota

We call him Pothole. His dad is a property developer. The nickname derives from that fact that Pothole’s personality is so grating, his manner so repugnant, people will go to almost any length to avoid bumping into him. Read the rest of this entry »

MY TOP TIPS FOR 2010

Cogent Housekeeper
In 2009, Cogent Housekeeper dropped an atomic fucking bomb on dancefloors from Paris to Phnom Penh. This year, expect to see the tween-psychobilly duo blaze a trail through the arpeggiated nuclear winter that follows in its wake. Love them or hate them, there’ll be no ignoring Neville Cornflake and his trusty sidekick Derek “The Tractor Lawnmower” Gonzales. Read the rest of this entry »

“I left my heart in Koh Samui,” he says, wistfully. “I really did…”

His little brother Daniel isn’t so sure. “Thing is,” he sniggers. “Fergus mighta brought a little bit of Koh Samui back with him and all.” Oh really? “Specifically in the, ah, crotch area…” Daniel mimes an itching action. Oh, for the love of God… Read the rest of this article here.

OLLIE CLEARY WALKS ON WATER

First significant thaw today, so myself and Ollie went for a bit of an auld gallivant. First we went for a walk on the lake… Read the rest of this entry »

BABY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

The headline in the Irish Times today* (“Cold snap on the way”) gave me a good laugh. Temperatures in the northwest have been well below zero for over a week now. It’s the biggest freeze anyone can remember. The fields are covered in snow. The lakes are frozen. The roads, where the snow has compacted, frozen, thawed briefly and frozen again many times over, now resemble ice rinks. Read the rest of this entry »

EOIN BUTLER: KING OF COMEDY

Well okay… that might be a slight exaggeration. This is a stand-up comedy routine I performed at the International Comedy Club in Dublin earlier this month. It was filmed as part of a Vodafone marketing campaign, the point of which still kind of eludes me… but anyway. To paraphrase Blackadder, my routine starts badly, trails off a bit in the middle and the less said about the end the better. Read the rest of this entry »

MISCELLANEOUS AMUSING ITEMS I’VE COME ACROSS #20

Do us a favour buddy, when you’re finished with my invisible teeth, will you please…?

SHINE BLOCKAS (2009)

Now strictly speaking, I think Pitchfork are a bunch of joyless, socially inadequate anoraks whose ongoing willingness to disseminate their own brattish opinions on music remains a damning incitement of the socio-behavioral utility of whatever bullies they went to school with. That’s strictly speaking. Read the rest of this entry »

NEW ADVENTURES IN BABYSITTING (CONTD.)

Okay, you’ve never witnessed another person defecate up close and you don’t want to hear about it either? That’s understandable. I can respect that. But I will say this: Play-Doh Fun Factory. Ha ha. Ruined your lunchtime, did I? Oh, I’m sorry… Welcome to my world motherfuckers. Read the rest of this entry »

I’VE GOT SOUP, BUT I’M NOT A SUPERVISOR. I’VE GOT SOUP, BUT I’M NOT A SUPERVISOR. I’VE GOT SOUP, BUT I’M NOT A SUPERVISOR.