irish times

This is not a joke shop. This is an adult fetish shop. Serious shoppers only.

“One particular film has three words in its title: none of which can be repeated in a family newspaper. Sufficed to say it boasts an all-male cast. And given the pride these gentlemen take in one particular aspect of their respective anatomies, the film could be described as, quite literally, an orgy of self-congratulation…” Read the rest of this article here.

Published: The Dubliner, June 2010

In case anyone was worried I wasn’t using my break from blogging productively

It’s one o’clock in the afternoon. The sun is shining. The sky is blue. And I’m plonked on the couch in my boxer shorts eating Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes and watching the World Cup. Watching football while everyone else is at work? Christ, it’s good to be alive. If someone had asked me when I was a kid, what kind of life I wanted when I grew up – I gotta tell you, I’d have settled for a lot less than this.

The postman sneaks his nose around the open door. There are a couple of bills for me. Who’s winning, he asks? Serbia, I say. Klose has just been sent off. Postman looks pissed off. Miroslav Klose, he asks? Yup. Shite, I have him on my Fantasy Football team. Read the rest of this entry »

Lame jokes Bob Dylan has told onstage while introducing his band (1988 – 2009)

“At the back, the meanest drummer in the world. When we played in the Middle East, he killed the Dead Sea… David Kemper!”

“You might be wondering what’s written on his shoes – those are foot notes!” Read the rest of this entry »

So my birthday party went pretty well…

Breakfast has long been a meal that nourished the Irish soul…

In times past, an Irishman might have awoken to find his potatoes blighted, his children exiled and his religion proscribed. But put a plate of rashers in front of him and things suddenly didn’t look so bad. Read the rest of this article here.

“Here’s an act of random kindness… Put some bloody trousers on!”

RONAN HARRINGTON
Move over organised religion. There’s a new game in town.

You’re a non-profit company that manufactures underpants. Is that correct?
No, no… We are ARK. It stands for Acts of Random Kindness. We’re a clothing brand with a big idea. Every time a customer wears something of ours, we ask them to perform one random act of kindness that day. We pay ourselves a wage, but any profits we make beyond that are invested back into the company to spread the message. Extra monies we make further down the line will go into a charitable fund. It started out with t-shirts, but we’ve since branched out into Ark Underwear… For Undercover Kindness! Read the rest of this entry »

It’s the same old song

Jesus, that was one miserable afternoon in Croke Park. Cork ran out easy winners over Mayo, by a score of 1-17 to 0-12. As I said on Twitter earlier, I’m thinking of switching allegiance to a less hopeless cause. A Boholla Olympic bid maybe?

Are You Lonesome Tonight? (1969)

Yeah, it’s the laughing version… The back story, from Wikipedia: Read the rest of this entry »

The Aristocrats!

“Your rook is attacked and shortly after I’ll take another pawn. This is a position to die for, in fact…”

‘You’re not doing very well, I’m afraid.” It’s Wednesday morning and Eamon Keogh and I are playing chess on the banks of the Grand Canal. It’s a glorious sunny day and a gaggle of swans have glided over to see what’s going on. But the two-time Irish champion is unimpressed. He tuts quietly and leans across the table to offer some constructive criticism. Read the rest of this article here.