Mongrel Magazine

It’s closing time on Monday night and Aidan and I are sitting in front of at a pair of empty glasses.

For the last five minutes or so, he has been engaged in a freewheeling mobile phone conversation. I’m not quite sure with who.

“Ah, not a lot now” he’s saying. “Myself and Butler are finishin’ a pint in Grogans. Just scratching our balls to be honest. Probably head home after and see if herself is feeling frisky…”

Then person on the other end says something and Aidan makes a face.

“Sorry, who am I speaking to?” he inquires. Read the rest of this article here.

‘A German audience will stare at you stony-faced for the entire gig and then buy every T-shirt you have’

My wife likes to make a show of me by getting me to list the weirdest jobs I’ve had. When I was a kid I worked in Dunnes Stores in town. There was a strike on and I was supposed to be on strike duty. But I got a little nixer on the side, guarding a giant inflatable can of 7Up in the car park outside The Square in Tallaght. There were legions of kids harrassing me “What is it, mister?” “Can I kick it, mister?” “Can I burn it?”Read the rest of this article here.

Published: Irish Times, July 17 2010

‘A German audience will stare at you stony-faced for the entire gig and then buy every T-shirt you have’

THE MIGHTY STEF
Ireland’s last rock n’ roll hero: he sings, he plays, he makes beds

We’re in the middle of a recession. The music industry has all but collapsed… So how does a rock and roller earn a crust these days?
In Dublin? You don’t. I scrape a living by frequently touring abroad. Germany would be one of my main markets. I have a small label over there that puts out everything I’ve done. If I go away for three weeks, and play my cards right, I might come home with a couple of months wages. That’s standard industrial wages. I also do the odd residency where I play folk music anonymously.

What, like Scarborough Fair?
No, not that kind of folk music. I mean, I play acoustic sets. Mostly covers – I do everything from Phil Spector to Bob Dylan. There might also be occasional “DJ” set [he mimes the quotation marks] here and there, which really involves just putting a CD in the machine and pressing play. Basically, I hustle for a living. The wages are modest, but at least I’m doing what I love to do. Read the rest of this entry »

They call him Pothole

He’s the son of a well known Dublin businessman and he fancies himself something of a man about town. Read the rest of this article here.

This is Funny

Absolutely nothing to add here. But, aesthetically, I really hate posting consecutive images without text. So I’m going to waffle a bit until I’ve generated two short paragraphs of meaningless text to break them up. My grandmother and her friends used to do this thing at wakes where they would freestyle for hours on end, riffing about different people they knew, and how they were all related to each other.

Do you know Seamie Lyons? I do, from Kilmovee, he’d be a first cousin of the Snees would he? That’s right, is there one of the Snees, now that I think of it, married to a guard out in Glann? There is, yeah, and that fella has an uncle on his mother’s side would be on of the Neachtans from Culnacleha, a quantity surveyor. Do you know? I do. They have a son a priest in America, don’t they? What’s this his name is again? And so on, ad infinitum. Thank you.

“If you’re a fat woman you have to scream ten times as loud…”

“Oh my God, are these new? Can we keep these?” The glossy celebrity magazines were intended as props for the photoshoot. But having been cooped up inside the Temple Bar Music Centre since the early afternoon, The Gossip lap them up like manna from heaven. “Jen and Vince” gasps Nathan. “It’s back on!” “Lindsay Lohan’s fire crotch!” enthuses Hannah. Only Beth Ditto remains focused on the task at hand. “What’s the magazine called?” she asks. “Monger?” Yes, it’s a trade magazine for the fish industry. “Oh, I like fish” she purrs saucily. On which note… Read the rest of this interview here.

Published: Unpublished, summer 2007

Readers Letters

Dear Eoin,

I’ve never been lucky when it comes to love. My first husband Michael was great with the kids and the sex was fantastic. But one day he ran off with my best friend Tracy and the contents of our bank account.

I found new love with Dan. He was great with the kids and the sex was fantastic. But one day he ran off with my brother-in-law Pete and the contents of our lingerie drawer. Read the rest of this entry »

Published: Mongrel magazine, March 2004

Embrace Satan

Welcome to the the first in a series of commercial features (i.e. articles that look like real articles but are actually just a mutant form of advertising.) This month, we’ve teamed up with His Satanic Majesty, the Archangel Lucifer, to suckle upon his fiery teat and drink deep of his molten juices.

The forces of evil have never been as hip and youth oriented and we want you to get involved. Below you will find details of a fabulous offer open exclusively to our readers. But first here’s a personal message from Satan himself: Read the rest of this entry »

Ronan Keating (hearts) Your Granny

Holy crap! There’s pandering and there’s pandering… Cool your boots Keating, you look like you’re about to slip her the tongue! Now look, I know the goody-two-shoes dollar is your dollar. And its a good dollar. I’m not knocking you for doing your job. But in the name of God, man, have some self-respect! Even Daniel O’Donnell would tell you this was overkill…

Nitelink 69N: a critical analysis

The sights, sounds and smells of late night urban transportation are all powerfully evoked by Nitelink 69N (Westmoreland Street, 2.45am). The dialogue is crisp and authentic, with some riveting individual performances extracted from a cast of veritable unknowns. Read the rest of this entry »